It’s Friday. My 5 year old is doing his homeschool lessons working on the letter “f”.   My 29 week old baby in my belly is having a field day with my rib cage. I am sending emails to clients about their wedding dress, budgets and vendors. My husband is at work busy doing who knows what… all I know is that he works at a ship yard and comes home smelling all sorts of fierce. And I don’t mean in a sexy way. hahahah 🙂 The best part about this day so far? Other than everything that I just listed? We got our pictures back from our anniversary shoot we did in Las Vegas last month. Can we say BLOWN AWAY?! Looking at these pictures brought me to tears. I was reliving the moment all over again and completely loving it. I’ve been getting messages all morning long from my girlfriends, telling me they are in tears from these pictures. That makes my heart swell. It honestly does. Because they can see just how in love my husband and I are. Now before you get the wrong idea and think that I am writing this to brag about how “perfect” we are. Or how “fake” my marriage is. Let me tell you a little story.

 

In October 2003, I met this long, fluffy haired boy in high school. I honestly didn’t give him a second look. One, because I had a boyfriend. Two, he wasn’t really my type. I’m not even really sure I had a type to be completely honest. But I do know that he wasn’t like one that I was interested in at the moment. His long hair, roughed up jeans, torn t-shirts… nah, didn’t interest me. If he would have been walking around with a skateboard, you would have thought he was one of the stoner skateboard kids from the movie Clueless. Funny thing, he was a skateboard kid, just take away the stoner part. hahaha!

Fast forward about 4 months. This skater boy and I were assigned to do a project together. Great…. I didn’t hate the guy. He was actually quite funny. But he was too funny. Always the class clown. Always trying to find a way to make everyone laugh. I thought it was his way of showing off. It wasn’t until he mentioned that he would pick me up in his mustang, thats when I became interested! “You have a mustang?!” I said to him. If you know me and my family, we are mustang people! Born and breed. My dad has a mustang. My mom has a mustang. Its just who we are. So needless to say, I was down to ride in some American Muscle. From that moment on, everything is history.

The first thing I noticed about this fluffy haired guy is that he wasn’t trying to show off, he is just genuinely funny. A little on the crazy side when it comes to driving (I am pretty sure we got into 3 accidents in high school alone). He loved to skateboard, and I loved to watch him. He loved to work on his mustang, and I was there handing him tools when he needed one, even though I had no idea what a wrench was at the time. All that mattered was that we were together. We weren’t into high school parties, as he didn’t drink. So we spent a lot of our time at the movies. We had about as innocent relationship as you can imagine for high schoolers. We were both completely in love.

Fast forward a year and a half. For whatever reason, we ended things. I went off and moved to Oklahoma. He stayed here and got a job. We kept in contact throughout our breakup. We actually talked a lot. It’s like we weren’t even broken up sometimes.

Fast forward another year… I moved back home and he and I picked up right where we left off. Young, 21, living together, we were on top of the world! We got engaged and planned a wedding. And then, for another stupid reason, I ended things… in the middle of our engagement. But we picked back up and started over. Continuing with the wedding plans. We moved on as if nothing had happened.

Then, we got married. It was a beautiful celebration!! We partied and danced all night!! We had an amazing time! I loved our wedding. I loved my husband. I loved everything about that day!

As soon as we got married, we decided we wanted to try and have a baby. So, 3 months later, we started trying. And a month after that, we found out we were pregnant. We were literally on top of the world. We were in the processes of closing on our first home. Preparing for a baby. Living alone for the first time in years. It was just us and it was great!

Then we welcome a precious baby boy. He seriously changed our lives so much! My pregnancy was perfect! My delivery was perfect! This baby boy was honestly, just perfect! He latched immediately. He slept for 3-4 hours at night which is great in the beginning. He. was. perfect!

But as time passed. This adorable baby slept less and fussed more. I was tired. My husband was tired. He couldn’t do anything right. He didn’t help me clean when I needed him to. He didn’t get home from work fast enough. He didn’t do yard work when he should have. Everything was literally his fault. Whether it was or not.. it was his fault to me.  I drank more. I payed attention to him less. I focused on me and this baby. No one else. How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

Fast forward 2 years. Things didn’t change. We fought more. We loved less. I just genuinely didn’t like my husband. I didn’t like anyone. The only person who was perfect in my eyes was this precious little boy. Thats all. No one else.  How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

And then, I reconnected with a girl friend from high school. She was my angel. She had been there. She knew that marriage was hard. She too, once didn’t like her husband. But to me, that was a complete SHOCK. How on earth did they have a bad spell? How? She was so happy. They were so perfect! They were in love. How? I wanted that. I craved for that attention. I needed to feel loved. But I was looking for that attention in the wrong places and she showed me where to get it from.  How on earth did her marriage get to that point?!

A month or so later, I took my family to meet with her at Liberty. It had been years since we had gone to church together. We used to go together all the time in high school. And as you grow up, priorities change. And clearly ours were not where they needed to be back then. But now, we were changing that. We walked into this massive building, completely unprepared for what was about to happen…. How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

From that moment, we were changed. We were home. We were where we needed to be. We enrolled in a marriage study. We figured out our love languages. We stopped worrying about what we could do to please ourselves when we woke up in the morning, and instead we focused on how we could please our spouse. When you wake up in the morning thinking “why didn’t he do this for me?” you’re already focusing on the negative. Instead, wake up and think “how can I make him happy today?” and I guarantee things will change. From that moment, we knew that things could be better. They could be how they used to be.  How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

We walked into church knowing we wanted to change our ways, but not sure it could happen. Am I saying that from that moment on we were perfect?! Absolutely not. That was 3 years ago. Since then, we have fought. A lot. I was so tired of the back and forth-ness that seemed to be our lives. I was changed. I knew that. I knew that I was in this. But part of me still wasn’t 100% dedicated to the cause. So, here we go again. Fighting. How?! How is this even possible? Why? I was over the lying. I was over the fighting. I was just over it. I swore I was dedicated, but clearly not enough to keep from leaving. How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

And so I left. Yes, that’s right. I LEFT. I left the house we built a life in. I left my bed. I left my things. I left my husband. And honestly, it was the best thing I had every done. It gave us time. It gave us space. It gave us each a moment to see how selfish we were being. We were stupid. We were dumb. And we only cared about ourselves. And at that moment, it dawned on us. Why on earth be in a relationship, a marriage, when all you care about is YOU?! How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

Thats not a relationship. A relationship is something you share between people, not just yourself. We each wanted a relationship but were only worried about ourselves. And I am so thankful that The Lord placed it on our hearts to work this out. How on earth did my marriage get to this point?!

I will tell you how. We fought! We fought our asses off!! We prayed. We focused. We loved. We paid attention to each others needs. We compromised. We loved. We laughed. We fought with each other. We cried. We went on adventures. We disagreed. We changed our bad habits. We loved deeper. We grew. We learned. We got on each others nerves. We prayed, a lot! I know I’ve said that twice but its the truth. We prayed and prayed and prayed for us. We prayed for our marriage. We prayed for ourselves. We prayed for our child(ren). We prayed. Which means we fought. We are still fighting. And we will continue fighting.

Fast forward almost two years… I had someone send me a message on Facebook the other day and it said “Super jealous of your marriage! Mines been burnt out since it started. Keep doing what you’re doing and never stop enjoying/loving what you have, I wish we didn’t”. That broke my heart. It did. I never like to see my friends struggling with their marriage. Guys, marriage is HARD. Other than being a parent, its the hardest thing I have ever done. Sometimes, we have no desire to finish this race. Throwing your hands up and calling it quits seems so much easier than working through it. But I am here to tell you, that even though you’re asking yourself “How on earth did my marriage get her?!” It doesn’t have to be a question of disaster. It can be a question of blessing. Fight, pray and love. And then you will be asking yourself, “how on earth did my marriage get here?!” And you will be saying in a way that literally takes your breathe away.

How on earth DID my marriage get here?! Through lots of trials. Through lots of dark roads. Through lots of tears and lots of times on my knees with my hands folded together. And boy, am I so glad my marriage got here. Do we still argue, obviously. Does my husband still get on my nerves? Duh! But he is MY husband. He loves ME. He is there for me. We understand each other. We love each other. We do things for EACH OTHER. And we stopped being selfish. I can honestly say that in this moment, we are the happiest we have ever been. I can tell you, with every piece of my soul, that this is real. I feel like we are in the honeymoon stage all over again. This isn’t fake one bit. We truly are THAT in love. Like I said before, we fought our asses off to get to this point. God spent too much time on us for us to not obey Him and love each other. My heart will always be full with love for this man. Always.

Adam, thank you for sticking through all the crap we had to go through to get to where we are now! I love you more than anything!!! I know it’s late, but Happy 6th Anniversary! I am looking forward to many more years with you<3

And now, our anniversary photoshoot that we did with the amazing Chris Loring Photography. We were both going to the same conference in Las Vegas and I was referred to her by some other amazing wedding planners. I am so glad that she took the time to shoot us while being busy with a conference too! You will never know how much this means to us.

 

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